When meeting someone new and conversing, the topic of relationship will eventually pop up.
“So Vue, how many girlfriends have you had so far?”
“Zero.” This usually follows by a surprised look, disbelief, as if a lie has been told.
In the few short years that I’ve been on this earth, I’ve been fortunate enough to be single for the entirety of my life so far. Some might think that it’s sad but on the contrary, I find it to be quite pleasant.
Why you may ask?
Being single gave me an outlook at what relationships should be. I have studied hundreds of couples in my journey through this life and I’ve learned from their mistakes and appreciate their accomplishments together. All relationships are unique; however, there are fundamental similarities in every one.
Being the observant type, I observe many different types of personalities. With that, I present to you:
The Punnett Square of Relationships. [lol hahaha :D]
There are two types of single individuals: an unconfident single individual and a confident single individual.
An unconfident single individual is a person who is unsure of himself. They question themselves on why they are single and constantly look for someone so they can be with. They are constantly on the prowl for the next person they can talk to and involve themselves with because they seek validation. This type of person does not improve themselves: whether physically or mentally; they might attempt to pursue physical development via gym for aesthetic reasons but will continue to live the life they always lived. They are content with their life currently and seek to find someone so they do not feel lonely.
A confident single individual knows who he is and knows exactly what he has to offer. This type of person is confident being single because they do not seek validation from anyone; therefore, they do not feel lonely. Their confidence and happiness comes from within as they constantly try to improve themselves for their own benefit. These are the types that can be in any situation and start a conversation with anyone effortlessly. They are able to understand the vibe of the setting and adapt to the flow of the ambiance. With that, they are always in the position to have fun, despite the environment and perspective.
Knowing that there are two types of single individuals, there are three combinations of couples in a relationship: the insecure relationship(s) and the secure relationship.
When you place two unconfident individuals into a relationship, what you get is an insecure relationship. These are the types that are constantly around each other; both needing each other to validate themselves. Both needs to check in and update each other on what they are doing at every minute. Since both are so unsure of themselves, any irregularities in the relationship will cause tension and fights. Jealousy is common in this type of relationship, for when one talk to another sex, the idea of cheating will develop. Why does this happen? Insecurities—the fear of their significant other finding someone “better” always comes to mind.
The fact that these two do not develop ways to improves themselves, this type of relationship usually fails. Relationship fails when things get dull, routine, boring, mundane, etc. In any relationship, there will always be some form of giving and receiving. When the time comes that one does not have anything left to offer, the relationship is not “fresh” per se; therefore, it will get dull and eventually gets rocky before the break up. No one wants to be anything that is dull and boring, but when these two types of individuals have nothing left to offer to the relationship due to their lack of self-improvement, it is almost inevitable that this relationship will fail.
When you have a confident individual with an unconfident individual, what you get is also aninsecure relationship. The unconfident individual will display neediness towards the confident individual because the unconfident individual feels that the confident individual is a “catch;” figuring, what are the chances of being with another person like them? What is very common in this type of relationship is that the unconfident individual will spend an enormous amount of time around the confident being; some would go to such extremes as to cut off past friends and possibly family members to be with their significant other.
I’ve seen a scenario where the girl is completely insecure with utter lack of self confidence in herself, she is jealous of the passion that the man has for his hobby. She said that he has so much passion for biking and cycling, pointing out that she is jealous that he doesn’t apply that same passion towards her. I’ve also seen a scenario where one went to extreme cases such as suicidal attempts to prevent separations with her significant other.
These two different types of personalities will have a rocky start due to the difference of insecurities. There will be heavy amount of arguments as the relationship ensues because of conflicting ideologies and behaviors trying to establish common ground. However, once the confident individual spends time to help overcome all of the unconfident individual’s insecurities and develops them into a confident person, this relationship has the potential to move mountains.
However, the fun begins when you place two confident individuals into a relationship. When two confident individuals join together, what you get is a secure relationship and mountains will move. Since these two know exactly who they are and what they have to offer, the relationship will be exciting. They are strong as individuals, coupling up makes them stronger as they work together towards a common goal. These two have agendas of their own to do their own things without checking in with each other. Insecurities are very rare with these types, since both are very comfortable with themselves.
Since both constantly strive to become better: physically, mentally, emotionally, etc., it vortexes each other to ameliorate, almost by default. With that, there will always be excitement and involvement with each other. The reason why most relationship fails is that lack of involvement with each other; however, if a relationship has a lot of excitement and involvement, it will be unbelievable.
I’ve seen hundred of types of people in my life so far. I’ve seen people jump from relationship to relationships without having the time to figure themselves out. I’ve seen people jump into relationships simply because they feel lonely or they need some sort of emotional support or validation. I’ve seen people go into a relationship and end it simply because they are bored.
I value the title of a relationship to a very high regard. I absolutely do not understand jumping from one relationship to other. For me to completely invest my time with a significant other, she has to be worth the time. I spend the time to talk to different various girls to understand what qualities I like in a girl.
How can anyone be so sure of the person that they are with is going to be the right person for them in the long run? To commit to one person means you have to commit your time, in a way, using up your time. If you jump from one relationship to another, you are basically using your time to figure out the compatibility of your partner. As you jump from relationship to relationship, there can only be a limited amount of time you can jump; for as you get older, your social network will collapse and your chances of meeting new people will slim down.
What I see people usually do is they settle with the person they are with, only to hope to make it work. Fights after fights, couples tolerate each other just to stay together so they won’t be alone. I’ve seen relationships where the boyfriend abuses the girlfriend, both physically and emotionally, yet she chooses to stay with the guy just because she is scared to be alone. Vice versa, I’ve seen a relationship where the girlfriend gives the boy so much crap, yet he stands idly by, tolerating every abuse and neglect from his significant other. Would you rather be with someone for the wrong reasons or be alone for the right ones?
It’s better to be alone than to be unhappy with someone. If you spend time to date and talk to different people as you live your life, you will understand the types of qualities you would want in your ideal significant other. One person might have a quality you adore while another person might have the qualities you never thought you liked. As you move forward in life, you will eventually meet another person that will have both the qualities in the last two person combined with something more to offer. Eventually, you yourself will know exactly what qualities you want in your significant other.
Why settle for someone if they aren’t worth your time? Why be with someone you think you like simply because you are feeling lonely?
I embark on this journey alone to be the best person I can potentially be.
To have a solid career that I’ve built from the ground up,
To provide for my family everything that they want and need,
To live the life I’ve always dreamed of,
And when it is time for me to ask that special someone to be my first girlfriend, I will make sure she is the luckiest girl in the world.
“So Vue, how many girlfriends have you had so far?”
“Zero… I just haven’t found someone I want to fully commit my time with.” 😉